I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
