Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
