people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
