I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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