did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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