Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
