Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
