Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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