drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Is it because I queefed?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
