hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
