Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
