Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
