so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
