Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
