just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
