drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
