yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
