i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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