I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
