her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Im part way to drunk.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
