When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
