Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
