you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
