Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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