Don't you send me to vm
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
