i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
