i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
