I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
