OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Randomize
