the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
