just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
