I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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