It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Im part way to drunk.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
