I wanna passion pit in your ass
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
