I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
