Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
