Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
