he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
