just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
