don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
