There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
