just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
