The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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