im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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