opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
