I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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