you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
