New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We're too hungover to prance.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
