your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
