My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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