Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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