A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
