now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
