I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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