i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
