All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
