Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
