the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
