I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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