I just cut my nipple shaving
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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