I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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