Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
