I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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