Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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