don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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