that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
