woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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