sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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