I feel like I'm in dance class right now
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm always down for nudity.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
