I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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