Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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