I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
