I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
