i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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