why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize