he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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