i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
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when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
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whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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