I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
