I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
